


00:00 (Zero O' Clock)

by astraeayna



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Mental Health Issues, New Year's Eve, POV Sakusa Kiyoomi, Song: Whalien 52 (BTS), Song: Zero O’Clock (BTS), This IS Fluff I Swear, gratuitous water metaphors, hand holding, kiyoomi just wants someone to hold his hand, loneliness as a metaphor for depression, my overdue nye fic, vulnerable omi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:53:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28570311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astraeayna/pseuds/astraeayna
Summary: In a sea full of devastation, the loneliest whale's cries go unheard. Kiyoomi used to be the whale. When the clock struck twelve, he felt like he was swimming in an ocean of fireworks with the loud noise drowning his voice, but now he is not alone. At the start of the new year, he found another whale who could hear his cries. Kiyoomi is finally heard because Atsumu is there to listen.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 159





	00:00 (Zero O' Clock)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [astraeayna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astraeayna/gifts).



> this fic is dedicated to myself, this as a reminder that you are not alone, and someone will always be there to hold your hand. may sakuatsu make you believe love and happiness will come at the right time, and your cries will be heard someday.
> 
> thank you to [ghosty](https://twitter.com/ghostystarr), [regan](https://twitter.com/psncskesurprisd), and [my wife em](https://twitter.com/emsby4) for beta reading this fic and leaving such lovely comments that made my heart sing. special mention to [ate summer](https://twitter.com/lettersinpetals) who lent a hand with her expertise with beta reading and made me question my life with my inconsistent tenses. i love you all <3 (I have asked my favorite authors beta read my fic again and I am too honored)
> 
> to everyone who motivated me and read this in advance, [tiffy](https://twitter.com/tiffyuumaeda) (who also made the breathtaking fic promo graphic [here!](https://twitter.com/miyafour/status/1346465913961267201?s=19)) who is basically one of my favorite people ever (ew), [my wifey sun](https://twitter.com/osamufy), [heart](https://twitter.com/omihe_artsu), [rye](https://twitter.com/royal_enchanter), [calla](https://twitter.com/myaasamiee), [luna](https://twitter.com/lunasolaris4) and [val](https://twitter.com/valvaciously). thank u so much for your input! it means the world to me.
> 
> and lastly, this is for everyone who just wants to be held and loved. enjoy!
> 
> title from 00:00 by bts

Time stands still, and he is alone. 

Kiyoomi feels like he lives in water, and he mindlessly drifts in the deep and vast ocean. He always feels cold, as if his bare skin is touching freezing water, no warmth or comfort. Kiyoomi misses the blaring heat of the sun, the salty air, and the sight of _life._ He wonders when he will break free to the surface, or whether he is meant to stay underwater forever.

He's lost in the wide blue ocean, with nothing to save him in sight.

And then it appears.

A sliver of light that came from a small spark, ignited into a flame, and it resides in him as a heartwarming fire.

It reminds him of today. 

Just like the sparkler Kiyoomi holds in his glove-clad hands which Atsumu gave him a few seconds ago. When he asked why, Atsumu says, "Hold this, Omi-kun. Smile wide, Omi-omi," as he takes his phone out and snaps some photos. 

And, like a fool, Kiyoomi _smiles._

He has a mask on so it doesn't matter. But Atsumu knows how the corners of his mouth only slightly turn upward, but his eyes twinkle differently when he smiles, so _maybe it does._

It's New Year's Eve and Kiyoomi is spending it in Osaka. He had gotten his yearly invitation to the family reunion. Still, he'd like to be honest with himself and recognize that he has no energy for spouting nonsense pleasantries and socializing with people he barely knows, all for the sake of a good impression. He was born into a wealthy family and, growing up, he learned he had a responsibility as a son. 

If it were any other time of year, he'd probably try to comply and tolerate it. But, _no,_ not on New Year's Eve. _Responsibilities be damned._

He wants to spend it with someone who saved him from drowning. The New Year deserves to be celebrated with someone who makes him feel thankful for existing. 

He looks at Atsumu, who's waiting for the new year to strike, his whole face scrunched up in excitement because of the beautiful fireworks they're about to witness. Atsumu has styled his hair, and he's dressed in brown plaid pants, a light cream sweater, and a brown coat. He has a yellow scarf around his neck, and he looks comfortable and warm. _He looks gorgeous._ But Kiyoomi won't say that aloud. 

He is so _damn_ thankful for Atsumu.

Kiyoomi is terrible at words, and he probably won't be able to articulate it as beautifully as he would like, but he wants to _try_. Because he would like to acknowledge that Atsumu tried for him, and _stayed_. People have said that it's difficult to be with him, and frankly, he believes that. However, Atsumu isn't any different. It isn't easy to be with him, too, especially at the start. They are both rough-edged persons, just two jerks trying to do romance.

_But they made it work._

He must have been staring for too long because he gets surprised when Atsumu turns to him. "Omi-kun, are you cold?" he asks with worry. Kiyoomi is about to shake his head when Atsumu laughs and approaches him with a wide grin. He reaches up to remove his own scarf and wrap it around his neck instead.

"Is my Omi-omi cold?" Atsumu giggles, his breath visible in the air, warm against Kiyoomi's face. He moves closer and loops his arms around Kiyoomi's neck to adjust the scarf. "Omi-kun, ya should try styling yourself with color. Ya always look like a grim reaper bearing death in yer all-black outfits. I know I teased ya endlessly with yer horrible neon tracksuits in high school, but ya actually look great in color."

When he finishes meticulously fixing the scarf, Atsumu leans in to drop a kiss on his forehead, and Kiyoomi actually wants to stab him in retaliation. 

_This is unfair._ Atsumu shouldn't be allowed to play with Kiyoomi's feelings like this. 

Atsumu drops his back laughing at the sight of Kiyoomi's scrunched eyebrows working together with his moles to fire death threats.

"You look great in my scarf, Kiyoomi," Atsumu says, each word laced with affection.

Kiyoomi doesn't know how he looks at Atsumu, but he'd believe him. _Atsumu looks so happy._ He wants to say something he's been keeping to himself for a while. _He wants to, badly._

"Atsumu, didn't you ask me recently why I kept playing volleyball?" Kiyoomi says, and Atsumu hums in response.

"Yeah, I did."

"Recently, I found the exact answer to your question," he starts carefully. "There's this word in Spanish called _querencia,_ do you know what that means?"

"It's a beautiful word like you." Atsumu pauses in hesitation. "But no," he admits.

"Thought so. Didn't expect you to know anyway." Kiyoomi deadpans.

"That's so mean, Omi-omi! I don't know Spanish!" He stops to think. "Does burrito count though?" He looks at Kiyoomi, expecting him to say yes, complete with doe eyes.

"No." 

Atsumu's face falls, to Kiyoomi's amusement. Atsumu makes the dumbest faces ever. _He's actually so stupid._

"Omi-kun! Yer insulting me in yer head aren't ya!" Atsumu complains, and stomps his feet against the ground, sending snow flying in multiple directions. "But continue yer querencia shit if yer so smart."

_"It means the place where you feel you are your most authentic self."_

Atsumu stays silent.

"It's where you're most at home, and you draw your strength from it."

" _Oh."_

"I found my querencia in volleyball, and in _you._ " 

Kiyoomi scans Atsumu's face for his expression and continues when he sees Atsumu wide-eyed, with his mouth gaping like a fish. He looks stunned. 

"Coincidentally, there's also a Spanish word for home that applies to you and volleyball. _Mi casa._ " 

"Mikasa? Like the volleyball brand?" He asks, the image of the blue and yellow ball looming in his head. He's seen it too many times in his lifetime; he almost considers it family now. His best days are when the ball feels perfect in his hands as if they're one. 

"Yeah. But in Spanish, it's spelled with a c, and it just suits what I'm trying to say. Thank you, Atsumu," Kiyoomi earnestly says. "Because aside from the volleyball court, you're the one who made me feel I'm worth it. Like any other athlete, I thrive on the satisfaction of being successful in my sport and treating my performance and existence on the court as an artwork. As if it's worthy of being in a museum, of being admired for years."

"Omi-kun, I didn't know ya felt-" Atsumu stops to listen.

"Sometimes, I feel like I'm going insane." He heaves a deep breath and reaches to remove his mask so Atsumu can see his face.

_Because Atsumu deserves to see me, just as I am._

"And that's when I found volleyball. On the court, I feel sane. Like I'm alive, the blood rushing in my veins, serotonin swimming in my head and my effort is _worth_ something. When the ball looms in front of my eyes, and when I precisely hit it with my hands, I feel satisfied."

"I thought that I could live like that forever." Kiyoomi covers his face with his hands. "But loneliness is a disease that makes me wish that someone would hold my hand."

He couldn't count the times he could've been consoled _if only someone held his hand._

Atsumu smiles and reaches for Kiyoomi's hands, cupping his face. He gently removes Kiyoomi's right hand and intertwines it with his.

"Like this?" Atsumu asks.

Kiyoomi nods, his persona cracking, and finally breaks as he bursts into tears.

_It feels nice to be held._

"Omi-kun, it's alright. Ya can cry when yer with me." Atsumu comforts him and brushes his thumb over their intertwined hands. "Just do as ya feel. I can't promise I'll always understand. But I'll always try to listen." He guides Kiyoomi to face him.

_And kisses his hand._

"No matter what," Atsumu confesses.

He's known he was lonely ever since he was younger. To fill those gaps of loneliness, he read books as he was tired of crying for help. There were times he felt like he was underwater, gasping for air, unable to reach the surface. Moments where his chest physically hurt when he cried too much as if water was hindering his lungs from functioning and letting him breathe. He was utterly helpless.

That's when he found about the loneliest whale in existence; the 52-hertz whale whose cries were destined to be never heard by his kind. Kiyoomi empathizes with the whale because _the whale feels like him._

The whale's unusual calls stopped him from finding love. _But Miya Atsumu found him instead._ He's learning to love himself through the simple acts of loving and being loved by someone else, just like how the characters in his favorite books made him believe. Kiyoomi knows that the journey to loving himself fully is a life-long commitment, and it's something that just goes with the inevitable passage of time. 

Kiyoomi learns it's okay to take it slow, that his broken self will be filled with love, _someday._ That his empty cup will overflow like how the world's oceans connect to each other, a friendly reminder that love is like water, and there's always love to spare for himself. 

In his favorite book, he once read that, "It is not that the meaning cannot be explained. But there are certain meanings that are lost forever the moment they are explained in words." But Miya Atsumu understands him beyond words. He doesn't need to speak. _He doesn't need to cry anymore._ Because he knows _love will be there for him._

Atsumu - the physical embodiment of love, whose heart is bigger than anyone he has ever known. Miya Atsumu, who found him when he was trapped in the ocean, suffering from despair. _He doesn't need to worry and plead for help. Because Atsumu is here._ He's here with Kiyoomi, offering his hand.

Kiyoomi will stay with Atsumu, and they'll be okay. Even with just their pinkies touching each other, a firm grip on his shoulder, or just their foreheads touching - they don't need to say anything else. Love will flow between the silence, and their touch will never make them feel alone. 

A constant. His home. His querencia. 

It's zero o'clock. The new year has come. 

In a sea full of devastation, the loneliest whale's cries go unheard. Kiyoomi _used_ to be the whale. But as the clock strikes twelve, he feels like he was swimming in an ocean of fireworks with the loud noise drowning his voice, but now he's not alone. At the start of the new year, he found another whale who could hear his cries. Kiyoomi is finally heard because Atsumu is there to _listen._

_Thank you for swimming with me, Atsumu._

Time stands still, and now Kiyoomi knows the world's loneliest whale may not be lonely anymore. Maybe things turned out better for it, and he wants to believe it too. Sometimes, he still felt alone, but now there's someone who held his hand. 

Everything will be alright, and love and happiness will come, He promises himself at midnight. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reaching the end! i hope this piece of writing made you feel something because this fic is very personal to me. wrote this at a dark time in my life and I wish it gave you the will to live on. 
> 
> you can scream at my twitter dms [@miyafour](https://twitter.com/miyafour) or at my [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/miyafour), if you're shy!  
> happy new year! may 2021 be kinder to us <3


End file.
